This was my Monday
Okay. So ya know when you take some time off from work and then when it's time to get back into the swing of things you sort of 'forget' how and what you're supposed to do? That's what's up over here today.
Sits at computer. Whoa..look at that ball of dust over there in the corner.. FOCUS. awww a cute dog video. Maybe I should eat now.. it's already been 6 minutes since I ate my mid-day snack. FOCUS. Maybe I'll go through this pile of papers that I've been planning on going through for 5 months now. FOCUS. what time is it? Can I have another snack now? Maybe I should go look out the window for a bit and wish that someone would come along and do all the things for me so I could sit around and wish some more that things would just happen without me having to do anything.
FOCUS. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU HEIDI - EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD IS WORKING AND YOU'RE NOT... FAILLLLLLLURE.
How about instead of yelling FOCUS HEIDI and the rest of that nonsense I breathe a few deep breaths (not shallow like those breaths ya take when you're 13 and pretending to smoke..NEVER DID I EVER DO THAT MOM). I am talking filling up those beautiful lungs and settling down that sympathetic nervous system that's firing off all kinds of chemicals from the stories being told in my head. PAUSE. What is the next "right" thing that I need to do right at this very moment?
Write this post and air out my stuff so this made up story about how lazy and useless I am ceases to have any air in it's made up lungs.
This is the opposite of what my made up story would have me do- Be authentic and loud. Feels WAY better than sitting around berating myself and hoping someone else will do my life for me.
What are the ways you sabotage yourself and what are some ways you can get back to you, beyond the doing?
Conscious breathing is the best and easiest tool in the tool box to access in a flash to get re-grounded in who YOU are. It can offer a momentary reprieve from the incessant mind-chatter of judgment. It’s like muting the TV when the commercials are really freaking loud and you can no longer stand the noise. Let your conscious breaths and that silent space be your guide. There’s an inner knowing that has all the answers. Practice tuning into it so you can learn how it speaks to you. I guarantee it’s not the voice that says..”look you did it again, you dumbass.” Love and compassion know no judgments, they see only facts. It is when we’re in fear that we can get caught in thought spirals and judgments and ultimately suffering.
So if I may say it again, practice choosing mindfulness, which is the conscious awareness of what is transpiring in the present moment - thoughts, feelings, body sensations. It will not eliminate your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, but it will support you to befriend them as messengers so that YOU can get curious and ultimately be the guide vs the supporting character to the ego voice.